No Air
by KatieRaexx
Summary: One-Shot Songfic based on a roleplay. Kayce, my original character, muses on her life and the losses in it, then suffers another loss during her thoughts.


_But how do you expect me  
To live alone with just me?  
Cause my world revolves around you  
Its so hard for me to breathe..._

* * *

_  
__  
_The last thing Kayce remembered saying to him was, "Luck, my Prince. I love you." But it wasn't enough for her. Luck wouldn't change what fate had planned for the course of Kurda Smahlt and Kayce Coults's lives. Ever since he'd begun talking about the plan to overthrow the Vampire Princes and gain control of the Stone of Blood, Kayce had become very jittery. She had doubts on his plan, and though it upset him that she didn't 'believe' in him, he understood where she was coming from. There was room for error, yes, always was, he just wished she'd stop worrying.

"I just...don't have a good feeling about this." Kayce complained one night, as they sat in the woods near Vampire Mountain together. Kayce was leaning against Kurda, his arms wrapped around her as to shield her from the cool night air that was all around them, though it bothered neither of them. Kayce's red eyes focused on the stars above them, and Kurda soothingly ran his fingers over the top of her hair.

"It will be fine, Kayce." He said quietly, placing his chin on her head. "Both clans have to sacrifice something, and when push comes to shove--well." he sighed. Kayce sighed also, her nails digging into the soft earth beneath them.

"And if they catch you before you can finish?"

"I'll have other Vampaneze stationed in the tunnels."

"They can't get to you in time. The Princes _will_have you killed." She sounded so sure of something, so positive something was going to go horribly wrong. It still unnerved Kurda. Sometimes...well...Kayce had a keen sense of when things could go wrong. She knew when her brother was in trouble, and she just knew when he was dead. Kurda remembered staying with her that night, though he was questioned the next night on where he'd been. He said negotiations had gone much longer than expected, but even the Princes doubted he was telling the truth. None of them knew about Kayce; but they did know he was involved with someone.

The night of her brother's death was a long one. One Kayce didn't particularly like to go into detail about. She knew he'd been insane, and she'd lost track of him the week before. After searching for a few days, Kayce became increasingly distressed, just knowing something was amiss...and then she just stopped searching. The night she returned to the small apartment she'd rented in the city just outside of Vamprie Mountain, Kurda was waiting on her. He was the only other one with a key--besides Glalda, who was usually too busy, or didn't want to stop in where humans could sight him easily.

Kayce had been paler than usual, should that be possible, and her red eyes which were usually full of life were dim with sadness. Kurda knew he had a duty, and that duty was to stay with the girl he loved that night. And he did...even if it didn't do much.

Kayce shook the memory from her mind as she looked to the position of the moon in the sky. It was nearing 3:30am, and Kurda glanced up also, smiling sadly.

"I must take my leave now, prepare for the job." He said quietly, kissing her cheek and standing, pulling her up with him. Kayce nodded, brushing a strand of black hair out of her face, then putting her arms around him, and just lingering in his embrace for a few moments.

"I trust in you. Luck, my Prince. I love you."

* * *

_If I should die before I wake  
It's cause you took my breath away..._

* * *

Kayce hadn't heard from Kurda nor Glalda in three days. The only two people left in her life she really knew, and she was fearing the worst. There were no reports, no Vampaneze staggering back to say they'd won or lost...She thought back to what Kurda had said about young Darren Shan...he expected him to be dead, but if Darren wasn't...he could expose the truth about Kurda. It really clicked in Kayce's head then that there might be trouble. If she ever found out---

Her thoughts were interupted with a footstep in the distance. Kayce shot her gaze up to see who it was. An undistinguishable Vampaneze. She stared at him for a moment, before barking, "Well! What is it!"

"Ka...Kayce?" She stared at the Vampaneze, and nodded. He handed her a letter, sealed, with Kurda's handwriting on the front.

"He requested that you open this as soon as it was delivered." The Vampaneze said, and Kayce nodded, opening the letter, and reading the first line slowly;

_Kayce,  
Should you get this letter, then you were right. My plan failed..._

She didn't want to read anymore. She knew the outcome, the answers, and she knew what had happened. Her hands shook as she held the letter, and she forced herself to continue reading.

_But maybe, just maybe in the future, someone's plan will prevail. I don't want you to sit around and mourn me, honestly. You're too beautiful and smart a woman to waste your life like that. I won't let you. We'll meet again, in Paradise, when your time comes. Which hopefully won't be for a very long time. You deserve the best, stay out of the war, as you'd previously planned to do, and you ought to be safe. This isn't exactly goodbye...it's more of a 'See you later'._

_I love you._

Kayce's mind raced. She folded the letter up and put it back in the envelope, slipping it onto the ground behind her. She'd been hiding in one of the many Vampaneze Sewer hideouts, waiting on an answer, and that was what she got. She got her answers, and her final goodbye. Or, 'See you later', as Kurda put it in the letter. The other Vampaneze had left, and when she was sure she was alone, she drew her knees up to her chest and began to cry.

It'd been months since she cried...but when you lost everything, what were you supposed to do?

* * *

_Losing you is like living in a world with no air...  
I'm here alone; didn't wanna leave  
My heart won't move, it's incomplete  
Wish there was a way I can make you understand_

* * *

_  
__  
_It wasn't until a week later that she was told Glalda was killed also. She took it better than the first two deaths she dealt with in her life, but it was when she figured out that it all fell back on Darren Shan, that she swore to get revenge on him somehow. Darren could apologize all he wanted, but he took Kurda from her, and his sire took Murlough from her. And soon for her to find out later, Darren also took Glalda from her. This just wouldn't suffice. She had to get away for a while...get thoughts of revenge out of her head.

She grabbed the letter and crawled out of the sewer, heading to her apartment in the town. Once there, she entered, locked the door, closed the blinds, and sat on the small couch she'd placed in there. She stayed silent, thinking, and for a good few months or so, no one saw her.

She had attempted to straighten out her thoughts; but did she succeed?

* * *

_Time to make one last appeal  
For the life I lead  
Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving, but I go no where  
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be...  
Stop and stare  
You start to wonder why you're here, not there  
And you'd give anything to get what's fair  
But fair ain't what you really need  
Oh, can you see what I see?_


End file.
